I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
