Dual....:-)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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