i think my mom watched the whole time
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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