im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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