I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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