I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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