At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
