Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
