I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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