Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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