oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
