he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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