I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
