The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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