yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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