Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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