remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
