I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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