Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
