dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
