i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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