Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
false alarm. still invincible.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
