i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
