I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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