I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
