so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
