he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
