Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
