She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
