Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
