haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize