Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
