New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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