I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
