Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
