rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
