You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
