I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I AM VODKA MAN
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
