remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
