Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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