Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
