I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize