But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
