How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
that's an acceptable place to lick
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
