I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
