I accidentally had phone sex last night
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
