Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who died my cat blue again?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
