When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
