Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
