Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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