I never want to see another naked old woman again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
