life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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