I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
