It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
