mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
