i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
