No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
