Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We have started to decorate penises.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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