dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
