I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
