it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
