How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
