You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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