he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
