Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
