Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
