i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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