someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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