The maid of honor just puked.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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