you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
