I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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