Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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