Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
