He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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