I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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