So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize