Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
