If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
