How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
