I smell stomach acid.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
