we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
