and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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