I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
