That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
