Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
