I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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