Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
