the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
