genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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