Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
