I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
