I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
