We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
