how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
